Hello extraordinary humans,

Three months ago I was told by my doctor that it was time to start “being realistic” about my recovery from this concussion. I think it’s obvious to state that I was not pleased with her suggestion (and yes, I very politely pushed back - more on that below.) After the conversation I immediately called my mom and declared:

“I don’t want to be realistic, I want to be delusional!”

The thing is, I have never gotten anything I have ever wanted by just being realistic. Being realistic is very limiting when you think about it - it means sticking to what you and those around you already know to do, to believe or to address. While being realistic has it’s place, this is not something that lends itself to growth, possibility or new things especially when it is the main focus of whatever you are engaging in. Being too realistic about any process can limit the outcomes and stop us from exploring what is available fully.

Delusion on the other hand is about the unknown, possibility and silly little (or big) ideas that might never work. These are all things that are CRUCIAL components to rehabilitation, training and creative work. Delusion is what keeps us showing up even when “realistically” nothing is changing yet. It’s what gives us the space to try over and over again without knowing that we will get the outcome we want. It’s what lets us buy in to those infuriating physio exercises (you know what I’m talking about.) Specific to this concussion rehab, delusion is what kept me pushing for answers, answers that were in fact very real and very treatable.

The return or increase of the ability to be a little delusional is also an incredibly positive sign in any type of recovery. The return of play, silly ideas, and socialization etc are all signs of a nervous system that is more equipped to deal with stress and that we are no longer living in a rigid state of fear.

Can we take delusion too far? Of course! We need to be a little bit realistic, especially if our ideas involve physical risk or when we are dealing with reduced capacity (recovering from burnout, over training etc,) or in the early stages of injury recovery. But this is more about giving context to our delusion, creating a box where those silly little ideas can grow or the maybe impossible goals can still be pursued without hurting us physically, emotionally or otherwise.

When my doctor suggested we get realistic, I asked her directly what she meant by that. Her response was not surprising, she was suggesting I may never get back to aerial training or performing. (Yes this still sucks to hear, type, or consider.)

This is a reality I had been aware of for a long time, one I actually was already prepared to discuss. So I told her that I was aware that I may not ever return to aerial, but I also got very realistic about why that might not happen and all the very evidenced based and realistic things that I needed treatment for even without having aerial arts in the picture.

In the end, we came to the same slightly delusional plan - to keep trying, to not put limits on anything yet and to save being realistic for when it was really necessary like interpreting test results and avoiding quick-fix scams.

Thanks to delusion I did my first open stage on Saturday, performing bubble wall for the first time in 18 months and only the second time total for me. Realistically I wasn’t really ready, and there were many reasons to say not yet, but I decided to do it anyways.

It went great. Cognitively and visually I still have a lot going on but I am now able to perform and not have that drive symptoms, and I was able to create and share something completely new with a wonderfully supportive group of people. None of this could have happened if I’d been realistic. Actually, the open stage itself only happened because of the generous delusion of the organizers (Thank you Circus Petrichor)

If you’re curious, here’s the video in all its imperfect, delusional glory. ​

I hope you enjoy it and if you have any thoughts on delusion or silly ideas you’d like to share please hit reply!

As always you can ask me anything (even realistic questions) here:

Until next time, stay a little silly for me

Sido

WWW.SIDONIEADAMSON.COM

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